What’s It Like for a Foreigner to Marry a Local in Vietnam?

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Administrator

10 September, 2024

I had never planned on getting married. I was content with my single life in Vietnam, but fate had other plans. Six years after relocating to this beautiful country, I met a woman who turned my world around.

Our relationship progressed quickly, and within two years, we found ourselves in the midst of the COVID-19 lockdown, exchanging wedding vows. Little did I know that this marriage would be my passport to a whole new world—a world filled with the rich culture and traditions of rural Vietnam, far removed from the bustling city life of Ho Chi Minh City.

Every country has its unique culture, and Vietnam is no exception. As a Westerner, I soon discovered that adapting to these new cultural nuances would be my biggest challenge yet. My wife’s family, who lived outside the city, spoke no English, and the rural lifestyle was a stark contrast to the fast-paced city life I had known.

The initial years of my marriage were a rollercoaster of adjustments. Food, communication, customs, and privacy—all posed their own set of challenges. It wasn’t that my new family had any ill intentions; it was simply a matter of me navigating a new culture with different values and norms from what I was used to.

Food was the first hurdle. The local cuisine in rural Vietnam is a world away from the dishes I was used to in Ho Chi Minh City. High-carbohydrate meals and an abundance of rice, a typical feature of Vietnamese family dinners, were a test for me as an overweight Australian. Special occasions like birthdays and Tet celebrations only emphasized the problem, as I struggled to adapt to the unique diet, resulting in noticeable weight gain.

The photo captures the joy of Ray Kuschert and his wife as they enjoy a toboggan ride after a visit to Ba Den Pagoda in Tay Ninh Province, southern Vietnam. It symbolizes their adventure together, embracing new experiences and creating memories in Ray’s adopted country.

Communication was another mountain to climb. With my wife being the only English speaker in the family, I relied on my basic Vietnamese skills to connect with my in-laws. Building relationships and feeling comfortable with my extended family was a challenge, but one that they met with open arms and warm hospitality.

The kindness of my mother-in-law and the entire family made a profound impact on me. Despite the language barrier and cultural differences, they went out of their way to make me feel welcomed and loved.

However, the most significant challenge I faced was adapting to new customs and traditions. Like any close-knit family, adhering to strict customs when visiting relatives was essential to show respect. Understanding and following these customs was a steep learning curve for me—from addressing extended family members appropriately to navigating the intricacies of accepting food and drinks during visits.

After five years, I’m still learning, but I’m proud to say that I’m getting better at navigating these cultural norms and finding my place within my new family.

Another significant adjustment I had to make was the concept of privacy. Having lived alone for over a decade before getting married, I valued my personal space. However, in the countryside, it is common for families to share rooms and sleep together, fostering a closeness that was initially overwhelming for me.

This lack of privacy was a constant source of frustration, and it pushed me to reevaluate my own expectations and find a middle ground that worked for everyone. With my wife’s support, we are navigating a path toward a more harmonious family life, where everyone’s needs are considered.

As our marriage enters its third year, and our relationship spans five, I have come to appreciate the strong bonds that exist within my wife’s family. I’ve found a balance between maintaining connections and honoring my need for privacy and a life of my own.

By making small changes and with the support of my wife, we’ve created a harmonious dynamic with our extended family. This has had a positive impact on our overall family relationships, and I am grateful for the love and acceptance they have shown me.

While every family is unique, and my experience may not reflect all Vietnamese families, I can say that marrying into this culture has been a journey of self-discovery. I feel fortunate to have been embraced by such kind and loving people, especially my wonderful mother-in-law, who has guided me through the intricacies of Vietnamese culture.

Marrying a Vietnamese woman is more than just a union between two people; it’s a soul-stirring connection to an entire clan. It’s a vibrant tapestry of rituals, cuisine, values, and love that extends far beyond the couple. To anyone embarking on a similar journey, embrace the experiences, immerse yourself in the teachings, and open your heart to this rich culture.

Winning the heart of one Vietnamese person is your key to unlocking the beauty of this vibrant culture. It’s a world you will proudly call your own, and one that will forever leave its mark on your soul.