Love Beyond Gender: How a Spouse Supports their Trans Partner

The day that her husband came out, Dao Hop, 44 years old, was very shocked for the first couple of days. However, love overcomes all and the two remain in a happy relationship.


As a viral story, the love and life of Hop caused a fever on social networks in the past few days. It is so unbelievable that it was like a movie where love bloomed, then tragedy struck and the ending was unexpected.

Many people expressed their admiration for this woman who was strong when she overcame her own desires so that her spouse could find their true self. A netizen named Luu commented: “It’s like the movie named The Danish Girl I’ve seen before. Both of them got through difficult days.”

“Unbelievable! She is so forgiving. I hope both of them will be happy”, a netizen named Thu Huong expressed.

Love Beyond Gender When Husband Comes Out As Transgender
Mrs Hop and her husband officially got married in 2019, after nearly 3 years of love. Photo: Dao Hop.

Transitioning in Vietnam

In 2017, Dao Hop met Patrick (43 years old) at a cafe in front of the alley near her house. Ms. Hop was an English teacher at that time in Hanoi and invited him to teach at her center during his visit to Vietnam.

The handsome foreign man wearing a polite suit immediately made an impression on her. He also liked the Vietnamese girl who was gentle and good at English. There seems to be something motivating them to start a conversation and to fall in love.

Right at the first meeting, they talked together for 4 hours about family and their life. From that day on, they kept in touch and started getting to know more about each other.

Hop was a single mother of 2 children. As for Patrick, he also suffered from misery in his previous marriage. They found and heal each other.

After going through many ups and downs in love, Patrick also traveled between Vietnam and the US many times to visit her. On July 7, 2019, they officially married in boundless happiness and thought they would go to the end together because he wholeheartedly loves her two children, and always loves and pampers his wife.

Love Beyond Gender When Husband Comes Out As Transgender
Photo: Dao Hop

In March, 2021, Patrick returned his hometown to receive health care, because he was an injured American veteran. On August 2021, he suddenly “came out” on social networks, with openly transgender photos, dressed as a girl with the new name called Trish. At that time, she was shocked and speechless.

“I called to ask him, he just said there was no problem, just a therapy to treat the psychological illness he was suffering. However, I saw that my husband had changed,” she said.

For 9 months, she couldn’t remember all the long nights she couldn’t sleep, her tears wet the pillow. At that time, her heart was broken into a hundred piece and she just wanted to end this horrible marriage soon. In April 2022, he returned to Vietnam with the form of a girl wearing ao dai, she was so shocked that she could not hug her husband.

She proposed a divorce, but he held on. At that time, Trish said through tears: “If you don’t want to see my face, I will go to Ukraine to be a volunteer soldier, and if I die there, you can go to the embassy to get me back”.

Loving her partner for many years, she knows that Trish has suffered many wounds that are difficult to heal. Family did not care, friends no longer contacted after the biggest decision of their life, so she could not bear it. In the end, she chose to accompany and protect him, against all the criticism that would surround him in the future.

Love Beyond Gender When Husband Comes Out As Transgender
Both of them travel and visit many places in Vietnam. Photo: Dao Hop.

Protecting Trish from public perception

Now she calls Trish as wife instead of husband because now Trish is a real woman.

She is now used to the image of Trish as a woman who likes to be charming, likes makeup and dresses. Sometimes, she also buys lipstick, powder, makeup tools, and takes her to buy clothes so that Trish can live in her true self.

Talking about the current relationship, Hop said that they have not divorced. She accompanies Trish like a close friend and a family member. “When my family and colleagues first learned of her, they all advised me to divorce. But now, I see that we still have a debt of grace,” she said.

Love Beyond Gender When Husband Comes Out As Transgender
Photo: Dao Hop.

Recently, on May 17, the day the world spoke out against stigma and discrimination against LGBT people, she officially publicized the story of both on social networks with her TikTok Downtown Dao account. She considers it a way to protect Trish from public perception. Although she received many confusing opinions about Trish’s style of dressing, makeup or expression, she still did not regret.

For her part, Trish confided that appearance could not change her inner feelings. Trish still has a special love for Hop and thanked her for choosing to accompany. Currently, they are traveling together, experiencing and exploring provinces in Vietnam.

Ruby Lee